Just for the record, I have a love/hate relationship with the TV show “who do you think you are?” Nine times out of ten I will be left in tears by the end. Hell, I’m tearing up just thinking about it. But usually each episode convinces me that I’m Mulder and the truth is out there. Last weekend I realized I had 20+ episodes I had yet to watch so I turned on one. My girlfriend kept asking if I really wanted to do that. For those of you who have seen the episode it was the one with Christina Applegate trying to find answers for her father. I was mostly ok until the end where they find his mother’s grave. There’s no monument so they buy one and the last image is a message at the bottom that says “Mother, I finally found you.” And that was it I lost it. My friends have often asked me what the big deal is? Your adoptive parents love you. I don’t even think of them as my “adoptive” parents. They are my parents. So what is my problem? There are pieces of me missing that I can’t fill. The primal wound theory is the best answer I’ve read. It’s not always there and most of the time I can force it back where I don’t think about it. But then something will remind me and we’re off to the waterworks and it hurts.
I know people care. I know there’s nothing else I can do right now. It’s been over 20 years since all this started I would have thought I’d be over this by now.